Welcome to The Age of Garlic, the only theme park news source that's 90% sarcasm, 10% vaguely accurate rumors, and 100% guaranteed to make you question reality. We dissect the absurdities of theme park life with a rusty scalpel of wit, bringing you the 'latest' in fabricated headlines and heavily embellished 'entertainment.' Strap in, because this rollercoaster has no brakes, and the safety bar is purely decorative.